I'll Never Wash This Cheek Again

Bailey, the Los Angeles Kings mascot, is awesome. He's such a cute, witty, positive "guy." It's difficult to describe what an awesome example of mascotness he embodies. He reminds me of Spongebob a little. He has that childlike innocence about him, and he often cracks me up with his Tweets about his life in the Staples Center. He's also named after one of their scouts who died in the 9/11 terrorist attack.

Anyway, recently he tweeted a picture of his buddy, CM Punk, a professional wrestler, wearing a Chicago Blackhawks t-shirt. (See photo left.) The shirt is actually a brilliantly designed graphic. 

I tweeted Bailey, "Can I just say how much I hate his shirt? It's a great design, but the names on it are wrong!!!" I didn't expect a response because Bailey never tweets back to me. But that day, he did! I was so excited. It was a fan moment, for sure.

Terms of Endearment #10

Leaner - (n.) Filling a trash can or similar container with water, leaning it up against the door of a teammate's hotel room, knocking, and running for the hills.

Hockey players can be nothing more than little boys with facial hair. This is something I really adore, if you want to know the truth. In this hockey series I'm writing, you will see many examples of this. Some might look at this type of behavior as immature. Sure it is. No argument there. But I also think it's funny as hell. I love practical jokes.

So do Los Angeles Kings players, Dustin Penner and Mike Richards. Dustin is a very funny man. He has no problem laughing at himself, as is evident from the following Twitter conversation he had with Richards.

Penner posted this picture and tweeted: Do not try and steam clean your dress shirt w/out making sure the shower/tub combo drain is open. #housekeeping.

Richards: @DustinPenner25 ever hear of an iron?

Penner: @MRichie_10 Stay out of this Rick! This is between me and the tub. Also don't open your door #leaner

Richards: @DustinPenner25 I actually just walked out of my room and the water has made its way in front of my door. Leaner not needed.

I. Love. This.

I hope readers like it too because this is exactly the kind of manly stuff I'm trying to show in my books. I hope it shows the friendship and camaraderie between the teammates, their senses of humor, their humility, their sense of fun.

Cougar on the sly

My air conditioner broke. I called the repair people. The guy comes out within 40 minutes.

HE'S GORGEOUS. He's even gorgeous with those paper booties he has to keep putting on and taking off.

I'm all a-drool. He's probably 20+ years younger than me. He could have sold me on ten year's worth of air filters or a service contract.

Imaginations sometimes need to be reined in. I'm just sayin'.

Listen Hard!

If you have ever been burned by Spellcheck, watch this.

Video Madness!

I have become obsessed with this game. It's so much fun. The music is fun. The graphics are beautiful. You can't get bored because here is always something new, even after you beat the game. Crazy Dave is hilarious.

You don't want to start playing. Really. It's addicting. But if you feel the need to ignore my warning, go here to play for one free hour.

Unnecessary Knitted Item

I saw this in my Real Simple magazine and couldn't believe it. It's a knitted coffee cup sleeve. Guess how much it retails for!

No, really, guess!

$18.00, no lie. I suppose there might be some eco-freaks out there who might drag this thing into Starbucks to use. (If you're one of them, I'll knit you one for only five bucks.)

This is the place where you can get the original if you want it. They also have slingshot pencils, hair clips that look like googly eyes, and tiny herb gardens whose pots are porcelain eggs. Those things are kind of cool.

An Example of My Strangeness

I was in the Romance Diva chatroom recently and we were discussing various birds. We discovered this definition: "kestrel," 1674, from wind (n.) + hover; so called from the bird's habit of hovering in the wind. An earlier name for it was windfucker (1599).

We thought that was hilarious. I thought it sounded like a perfect name for a Dances With Wolves type erotic romance. So, here is a blurb I worked up for this fictitious fiction.

Windfucker’s Destiny

Windfucker is a spirit breed, born to blend with the night, sleep with the shadows. Throughout eternity he’d been content with his lot. Until Mariah swoops into his life. All of a sudden, his desire for night’s shadows disappear and all he wants is to claim Mariah as his own, drive himself into her body until she sings with pleasure.

Unfortunately, she's a bird.

Beautiful, fragile. And not of his species.

And with that pointy beak, she would never be able to give him the head he so desperately wanted.

But the moment he hears her warble the spirit breed mating call he can't help himself. Ancient instinct takes over and he finds himself driven to dig up worms and scatter seed for her. He spends hours, naked, flapping his arms about in a dance designed for her pleasure. All this he does in the name of love, a force much greater than evolutionary taboos. But is it enough? Can Windfucker truly forgo fellatio for the rest of his life?

As for Mariah, she can’t understand the strange pull this creature has on her. What she does understand is he provides her with food on a regular basis and if she could just get him to stand still, she could feast on the very fat worm that dangled from his body so enticingly.

Will these star-crossed lovers overcome their differences and find happiness, or are they trapped by cruel Fate, doomed players in a cross-species, Bobbitt-like tragedy?

This book is not available for purchase and never will be. LOL